we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
