I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
