Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
