Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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