I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just had sex bonerless
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize