I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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