I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
