Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
