last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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