It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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