According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
