didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
