you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
