so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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