Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
