how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
