When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize