i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize