in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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