That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
