U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
