I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
