we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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