I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
