She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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