Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
