You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
