i jhust puked up my retainher.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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