Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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