My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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