Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
