if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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