come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
