the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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