sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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