Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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