ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
