mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just want to make out with him forever
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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