At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
