I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize