Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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