I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
where are my eyebrows?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
