I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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