I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Randomize
