shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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