Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
