The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
