toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
