Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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