There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
