I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
