I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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