i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
