So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
What drink are we having for lunch?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
