sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
