I'd wear matching sweaters with you
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
