I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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