He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
