I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
