If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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