New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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