I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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