Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I got inside last night via doggy door
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I deserve this hangover.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
