There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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