I think I am morally bankrupt
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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