dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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