Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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