This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
