he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize