Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
