Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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