i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
