Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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