kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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