Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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